8.28.2009

Lost.

I seem LOST!

yeah. i feel lost lately. i have been thinking (meron bako isip?! lol) of the things i wanted and the dreams i had before i entered the corporate world. i wanted to be "somebody". i wanted money, fame, career and a cute boss (xempre naman db?!). those were the days when my college friends will tell me "malayo ang mararating mo."

I am stuck here. I feel rotten that i never lived up to the expectations of people around me. Yes, I am somebody for my parents. I am, as i may say, a great "ate" to my siblings. Hey, i can say i am trying to be a good girlfriend to seph. I still have friends who seek my advise and approval on certain issues.

But i feel like i am a "nobody". I became the exact opposite of the the "ideal kat" that i was dreaming of. A nobody. tsk! Hey, at least our big boss is kinda cute. ;)

i am still young. at my age, people say i have accomplished a lot. nevertheless, i feel bad of not having realized my dream yet. i know i still have time to fulfill my longing of being a "somebody".

Pray for me.

8.13.2009

this too shall pass

I have been rereading all books (novels mostly) that I have. I almost got all John Grisham's work. I am still trying to collect William Bernhardt books (hope I will be able to).

Yeah. Life is boring lately. I have to drag myself to work every single day. I have to tell myself this phrase every time I wake up - "this too shall pass"(laziness)! hahaha. I am fed up with being a slave worker. I'm tired of the nonsense policies and nonsense issues. I abhor the sight of some people and the narrowness of mind of folks back there. It got to a point where everything is too much to bear. it is too much that I just distance myself from that world. Hypocrites start crawling under my skin, they are getting into my nerves.

Well, this too shall pass. It might but maybe it won't. Maybe, it will stay with me for a long time. This feeling may never go away. Who cares anyway? I don't think people around me cares. So why should I?

8.06.2009

High. Low.

High. Low.

High Points and Low Points (so far) of the...

YEAR

High:
I had my birthday, was able to save up money for my sibblings' tuition and school things. Ateng-ate ang dating ayt? hehe

Low:
I was diagnosed with PCOS. Yeah, I'm still suffering the effects of the medicine i take every damn single day. I hope I get better. I want children! lol

MONTH (July)

High:
I felt the joy of singlehood again on the 15th! lol. after 3 looong months of saving up everything, I was able to get my hair cut, go to starbucks and splurge and buy lots of books.

Low:
I have a job but no career. It makes me sick to think back of the old college me who had lots of dreams and goals. I sometimes think that I had a 180-degree turn of outlook in life. I have lots of what-ifs and if-onlys. I feel sick to my tummy when i look at what i've become. Exaggerated? No, it is not!

DAY (August 06)

High:
None. I had no high today.

Low:
I really feel bad. I feel sad, lonely and uncared for. I feel neglected, unwanted and unimportant. Yes, you made me feel all that in just that petty thing that happened. I hope this feeling goes as quickly as it came - or there will be hell to pay.